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The Colbert Report/Episode/541
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro What Habeas Corpus * Dr. Colbert was on The C-Desk waiting for his eagle to land * Obama displayed some real Presidential sack ** hail to the beef * Bill of Rights lovers ** like pirates, but Navy SEALs cannot shoot them in the head * Bargram detainees have a right to habeas corpus ** guilty until forgotten about * Obama is denying them H.C. ** they embarrass him by reminding him he was a Constitutional Scholar Tax Day * 25 minutes to declare yourself a soverign indian tribe ** last of the Mohe-Colberts * he is enraged ** how can the IRS take our tax money and give it to dictator Obama * it's Taxation Without Representation ** but not by the guy he voted for * World War 0 showed us the right way to fight this * Newt Gingrich ** spontaneously sprung up without promotion from the media * Michael Steele urged republicans to send virtual teabag to Democrats ** Steele is not welcomed * America's Lifepartner, Glenn Beck ** live from the Alamo * Washington holed up in the Alamo fighting Nazi ** Napoleon * Remember the Ewoks! * Stephen hopes Beck's occupation of the Alamo works out as well as the last one Better Know A District * 200th birthday ** paying staff in pennies ** slowly driving wife insane * Illinois 18th ** state capitol, Springfield *** 4-year term, 20 year sentence * only home Lincoln ever owned * Peoria ** mass production ** residents are children of syphillitic booze-hound * home of Caterpillar * has lincoln logs big enough ** Aaron Schock, republican * sat down with him before his mother called him in to dinner * doesn't know what the Fightin' 18th is ** 20 districts * youngest member of congress ** no hazing process ** no spanking machine ** no nicknames * TMZ says he has six-pack abs * believes Stephen is obsessed with his abs ** there is chemistry, but they vow to be professional * has no reason to believe Obama wasn't a citizen * Dr. Colbert doesn't want to bring it up ** he denies it * he's the new face of the republican party ** what he's doing to make sure Obama fails *** if Obama succeeds, proves socialism works * did not vote for stim bill ** won't take dirty money * pro-Stimulus for Illinois * pro-Life * pro-gun * he is courage to swim against the tide ** protects the unborn * fetuses with guns * by definition fetuses are alive ** and can bear arms * took the time to schock and awe Interview * Jim Lehrer ** book: "Oh, Johnny" (Signed Edition) * did not write a spy novel, whoever gave you that information must be a spy * Dr. Colbert is impressed ** his 19th novel * does News Hour 5 nights a week for 35 years * he types as he reports the news * easier to make up novels, or make up news * he says it's easier to report the news ** Dr. C * Lehrer has never tried to make up the news ** Sweden invaded England ** the tea parties are from the grassroots up * PBS is not covering the tea parties * spontaneously frogs appear on lily pads * why is he drawn to fiction ** O Henry said, "I wanted to go to where he could tell the truth." *** this blew Stephen's mind * his first sex scene ** why wait so long, when people think Jim Lehrer, they think sex *** big believer in research * Johnny had several wet dreams ** Johnny feel wonderously spectacular * why does he need an hour to cover the news ** Dr. Colbert can do it in a half hour *** Stephen talks faster than he does; Lehrer talks slowly, unemotional and proudly boring * takes real courage to be boring 5 nights a week on television * he's so boring he couldn't remember if he interviewed Lehrer or two buttons glued to a piece of balsa wood ** he was enraged Epilogue * Dr. Colbert expects a summary with special emphasis on the literary devices used on his desk by tomorrow morning @ 9 am ** will accept the excuse the excuse, "I'm lazy." Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments